The Hollywood executives gather around the base of the water tower on Warner Brothers studios. They utter prayers as they walk up the ten thousand steps to where the Oracle sleeps.
Lo! It is Dot Warner! In her regalia as The Oracle of Studio City!
Executive: “O Oracle, the studio system is failing! We are fat upon our merchandising rights, and struggle under the weight of the writer strike. What can we do?”
The Oracle: “Look to the past ye ingrates! Thou hast forgotten the bearings of thine forefathers!Remember the studio crash of the 60s! Remember what ponderous budgets and lackluster production do to the foundations of our nation!”
Executive: “What the, is the path, O Oracle?”
And the Oracle paused, channeling the muse and hallowed Apollo. And the Oracle spake:
The Oracle: “Schlock.”
Executives: “But it was banished! Bound to the time prison of 1988, and sealed within the earth! We cannot allow the B Studio system to return!”
The Oracle: “Schlock! I say! Let there be Schlock! The wheel turns! The light of heaven shines upon low-budget watchbait!”
Executives: “I cannot be!”
The Oracle: “Let streaming services collapse at their knees! Let a new generation of directors be forged in the fires of independent cinema! Now is the time of the hidden gem! The cult classic! Let there be unwatchable tripe! Let there be Schlock!”
(via zenosanalytic)


















