cryptotheism:

The Hollywood executives gather around the base of the water tower on Warner Brothers studios. They utter prayers as they walk up the ten thousand steps to where the Oracle sleeps.

Lo! It is Dot Warner! In her regalia as The Oracle of Studio City!

Executive: “O Oracle, the studio system is failing! We are fat upon our merchandising rights, and struggle under the weight of the writer strike. What can we do?”

The Oracle: “Look to the past ye ingrates! Thou hast forgotten the bearings of thine forefathers!Remember the studio crash of the 60s! Remember what ponderous budgets and lackluster production do to the foundations of our nation!”

Executive: “What the, is the path, O Oracle?”

And the Oracle paused, channeling the muse and hallowed Apollo. And the Oracle spake:

The Oracle: “Schlock.”

Executives: “But it was banished! Bound to the time prison of 1988, and sealed within the earth! We cannot allow the B Studio system to return!”

The Oracle: “Schlock! I say! Let there be Schlock! The wheel turns! The light of heaven shines upon low-budget watchbait!”

Executives: “I cannot be!”

The Oracle: “Let streaming services collapse at their knees! Let a new generation of directors be forged in the fires of independent cinema! Now is the time of the hidden gem! The cult classic! Let there be unwatchable tripe! Let there be Schlock!”

(via zenosanalytic)

zegalba:

Andy Goldsworthy: Woody Creek, Colorado (2006)

Curved sticks laid around a river boulder. Took longer to find the sticks than to make the work.

(via zenosanalytic)

mostly-funnytwittertweets:

bestie just shared this with me and i have never wanted anything so bad in my life 🤤

(via silentstep)

lainahastoomuchsparetime:

rudjedet:

bilbobagginsomebabez:

bilbobagginsomebabez:

bilbobagginsomebabez:

rudjedet:

rudjedet:

even beyond the whole thing where divine pairings aren’t at all comparable to western marriage constructs “THE ANCIENT EGYPTIANS GODS DID AN INCEST WITH THEIR SIBLINGS EW” is such a fucking moot point too because what, do you think divine fucking beings have like. chromosomes or some shit? no. shut up. you know nothing. Atum masturbated the universe into existence and you’re worried about Shu and Tefnut boning. come on now.

listen I’m sure there are people who’ve made similar comments about Greek mythology, but not to the extent i see people whinging about the ancient Egyptians, no. i’ll give you one guess as to why that is it’s unrecognised orientalism-fed racism

even actual incestuous (royal) marriages happened a lot more in European cultures than they ever did in ancient Egypt and you don’t hear people constantly going on about the Europeans either, the occasional Hapsburg joke notwithstanding.

im sorry you mentioned the hapsburgs and i am obsessed with those motherfuckers we do not joke about them enough

gonna skip over the specifics and lay out the gist:

-the family had taken control of the spanish empire through marriage, so it could be taken away through marriage just as easily

-this made incest a necessity to keep perfect power over the throne

-they literally inbred themselves out of existence. i need you to understand that. they inbred themselves out of existence. the last member of the hapsburg dynasty (poor charles ii) was infertile, had a deformed jaw so severe his tongue was longer than his mouth causing him problems eating and speaking, had gout, dropsy, depression, and epilepsy, could barely walk, and two genetic disorders. he suffered from immense pain for his entire life. it took 16 generations straight of inbreeding to accomplish this

-all of the underlying assumptions of capitalism were created by these fucking european aristocrats and there is no better metaphor for the wildly egotistical self-destruction of capitalism than the fucking hapsburgs. to retain wealth and power, they chose over and over and over to keep making this same brutal decision that was actively sickening their children. and let’s be CLEAR people have ALWAYS known about the dangers of inbreeding. they knew the whole time that the “thickening of the blood” was dangerous. but their obsession with power and fundamentally loose grip on it left no other choice–they would follow it to the end. and end they did. better to wipe the entire family from existence than relinquish the throne

NOBODY did it like the fucking hapsburgs y'all. nobody

i wanna add that they’re the best case study to date on what loss of genetic diversity does to the human experience. op was understating SO MUCH when they said incest was more common in europe.

best. case. study. to date.

you couldn’t ask people to do this EVER because it’s a crime against humanity. but a royal family did it one time no questions asked!!

like look at this. look at this. why are we talking about egypt right now i am giving you the best case study on incest in human history. im giving it to you with my hands

god i love this so much thank you 🙏🏻 i’m so glad i off-handedly mentioned the Hapsburgs and activated your trap card because yes WHY are people pissing themselves over ancient Egyptian mythological traditions when this fucking family (un)existed (themselves)

Just. Leaving this here.

sapper-in-the-wire:

(via zenosanalytic)

silentstep:

thenuclearmallard:

Women throat singing.

there’s a clip included from Anna-Maria Hefele’s video where she demonstrates her technique but I wanted to add a link to the part where she actually sings a song (Mozart’s Frühlingslied)!

elucubrare:

elucubrare:

friends, friends! sit, speak. your circus is my circus; your monkeys are my monkeys.

great tags by @dude-watchin-with-the-brontes: #your circus is my circus; your monkeys are my monkeys#whither thou clownest shall i clown and upon that hill should i die

(via silentstep)

fantasizinboutnickiandbey:

decellie03:

memewhore:

nothing will ever be funnier to me than the 30-50 feral hogs joke phase, I think about it at least once a week

Happy 30-50 feral hogs day

(via doubleca5t)

how to find literally any post on a blog in seconds (on desktop)

caecilius-est-pater:

goatsandgangsters:

there are so many posts about ~tumblr is so broken, you can’t find any post on your own blog, it’s impossible, bluhrblub~

I am here to tell you otherwise! it is in fact INCREDIBLY easy to find a post on a blog if you’re on desktop/browser and you know what you’re doing:

• url.tumblr.com/tagged/croissant will bring up EVERY post on the blog tagged with the specific and exact phrase #croissant. every single post, every single time. in chronological order starting with the most recent post. note: it will not find #croissants or that time you made the typo #croidnssants. for a tag with multiple words, it’s just /tagged/my-croissant and it will show you everything with the exact phrase #my croissant
• url.tumblr.com/tagged/croissant/chrono will bring up EVERY post on the blog tagged with the exact phrase #croissant, but it will show them in reverse order with the oldest first 
  
• url.tumblr.com/search/croissant isn’t as perfect at finding everything, but it’s generally loads better than the search on mobile. it will find a good array of posts that have the word croissant in them somewhere. could be in the body of the post (op captioned it “look at my croissant”) or in the tags (#man I want a croissant). it won’t necessarily find EVERYTHING like /tagged/ does, but I find it’s still more reliable than search on mobile. you can sometimes even find posts by a specific user by searching their url. also, unlike whatever random assortment tumblr mobile pulls up, it will still show them in a more logically chronological order
• url.tumblr.com/day/2020/11/05 will show you every post on the blog from november 5th, 2020, in case you’re taking a break from croissants to look for destiel election memes 
• url.tumblr.com/archive/ is search paradise. easily go to a particular month and see all posts as thumbnails! search by post type! search by tags but as thumbnails now
• url.tumblr.com/archive/filter-by/audio will show you every audio post on your blog (you can also filter by other post types). sometimes a little imperfect if you’re looking for a video when the op embedded the video in a text post instead of posting as a video post, etc
  
• url.tumblr.com/archive/tagged/croissant will show you EVERY post on the blog tagged with the specific and exact phrase #croissant, but it will show you them in the archive thumbnail view divided by months. very useful if you’re looking for a specific picture of a croissant that was reblogged 6 months ago and want to be able to scan for it quickly 
• url.tumblr.com/archive/filter-by/audio/tagged/croissant will show you every audio post tagged with the specific phrase #croissant (you can also filter by photo or text instead, because I don’t know why you have audio posts tagged croissant) 

the tag system on desktop tumblr is GENUINELY amazing for searching within a specific blog! 

caveat: this assumes a person HAS a desktop theme (or “custom theme”) enabled. a “custom theme” is url.tumblr.com, as opposed to tumblr.com/url. I’ve heard you have to opt-into the former now, when it used to be the default, so not everyone HAS a custom theme where you can use all those neat url tricks. 

if the person doesn’t have a “custom theme” enabled, you’re beholden to the search bar. still, I’ve found the search bar on tumblr.com/url is WAY more reliable than search on mobile. for starters, it tends to bring posts up in a sensible order, instead of dredging up random posts from 2013 before anything else

if you’re on mobile, I’m sorry. godspeed and good luck finding anything. (my one tip is that if you’re able to click ON a tag rather than go through the search bar, you’ll have better luck. if your mutual has recently reblogged a post tagged #croissant, you can click #croissant and it’ll bring up everything tagged #croissant just like /tagged/croissant. but if there’s no readily available tag to click on, you have to rely on the mobile search bar and its weird bizarre whims) 

One caveat, at least in my experience, is that even the desktop search bar gets weird about indexing words that appear in reblogs of a post but not in either your tags or the original post. So for example if I’m searching for this post:

OP: What’s your favorite thing to put on hot dogs?
1st reblog: I like them with ketchup
tagged: #mustard

The desktop search bar is pretty much guaranteed to find it if I search for “hot dog” or “mustard” but there’s a good chance it will NOT find it if I search for “ketchup”.

If you’re not finding what you’re looking for, you may have better luck doing a google search with as much of the post as you can remember (exact phrasing, key words, author, anything you’ve got) followed by “source:tumblr”

(via rainbowbarnacle)

yardsards:

glasskit:

i always find it weird when people describe children as worry free because most of my childhood memories are of me worrying

ALT

(via roach-works)